What is at your core?

Several months ago, I began reevaluating my life and what motivated me to become the person I am today. On the cusp of turning 42, I was faced with circumstances in my professional life that challenged my goals in my personal life. While parenting two daughters at the ripe ages of 12 and 14, I realized that we had similar goals: figuring out just what we wanted to be when we grew up. This felt wrong to me. Why was I just trying to figure this out now? I was supposed to have this figured out a long time ago- at least that's what I learned when I was a teenager myself. I had been living my life without thinking about what impact, if any, I was having on my family, my relationships, my core. I felt off balance, as if I was living the life of a naive 22-year-old on auto-pilot...at the age of 42. It took me a lot of courage to admit to myself that something just wasn't right. Some may call it a mid-life crisis, but I choose to think of it as an awakening of my inner core. I was tired of the status quo and I took the time for an unedited, self-evaluation. I spent a lot of time by myself rethinking where I came from and where I want to go. I have been blessed to have two beautiful daughters who God has entrusted in my care, until they go off on their own and build their own lives. My God gave me that. At my core, it was always about My God. I look back and realize that I was so scared of failing at this enormous task of raising two independent, loving, self-confident adults. This fear pushed me along to try a variety of ways to parent including becoming their Sunday school teacher, room parent, Girl Scout leader, party coordinator, playdate planner, study partner, as well as their spiritual guider. I was blessed with the ability to do these things because God guided me to marry the man of my dreams and my biggest cheerleader. As my kids have grown older, I started to wonder just what I would be doing if I wasn't busy parenting, working as a registered nurse, or living my life as I knew it. Was I being my authentic self? My oldest has been naturally turning more towards her peers, and it has been difficult to let our relationship morph into one of less reliance. This was my breaking point--just who am I? What do I do or be without the defined roles and responsibilities that I chose for myself? I made the decision to submit to My God and allow him to continue my journey towards self awareness. He has given me so many blessings and now it is my time to use my spiritual gifts to be a blessing to others, including myself. And so my journey began....